Could you ever forgive my self-pity?
When you’ve got nothing and you’re living on the streets of the city.
I couldn’t live without my phone.
But you don’t even have a home.
I wasn’t ready for this. As I was crossing one of the busiest streets in Dhaka, she got hold of my hand. I wasn’t taken aback, but felt awkward. It happens all the time. I might have something in my face, something weird.
“You do have a kind face”, Hridi once told me, “it starts out so innocent, compelling.” I cannot say if that was a compliment but I think that’s serious.
“But, look can be deceiving” I shrug, unlike the popular believe prettier thing are much better but in most cases it is not true at all.
It’s her turn to shrug now. She is back to woolgathering.
“You’re nice Rashed, but then most men are. Once you get to their hearts, anyway. Staying in their hearts is the tricky part.” She paused.
I was instantly drawn to present by an angry car-horn. I fell back to other side where I started. She left my hand. She’s quiet, but she’s staring at me, and the signs in her eyes are so easy to read.
Her intense stare directed me doing the same on her. Cuts, black eyes, bruises, torn stained clothing or disheveled appearance are all cited in her. And, the child she is carrying portrays severe malnutrition… which is actually characterized by this baby’s loose skin folds, dry skin, loss of adipose tissue and muscle which also shows why the child is skinny and bony. It’s cold, and the baby is wrapped in polythene sheet with a visible children anti-suffocation warning notice.
I thought of warning her what that polythene sheet can do to that baby, then I hold back. I could feel the chill in the wind.
I look down at her lap, wondering if the baby was fed in the morning or if I had even thought to buy the baby something for rest of the day.
Most of all, every time I see a woman begging with child, sleeps. Perhaps, they are tired with this cruel face of the world; or they might have been intoxicated. The women beggars while hiring the children from their parents [mostly sex workers] make sure that they don’t cause troubles crying all the time.
As they are not their mothers, they tranquilize the babies with some kind of sedatives [as I’ve noticed couple of times] to sleep even under scorching sun, rain and deafening hydraulic horn in heavy traffic areas. It’s a heartbreaking sight when most of the children as hired for begging, are not fed for the whole day. But, chances are good on feeding the child when the beggar returns the infant at night.
On a day like today, I usually go back and buy some infant food just to ensure her feeding the child. But, I know it’s not a smart move, I always intend to reach to a short term objective, feeding the child first.
You might argue, helping them is not the answer and will only increase the child’s chances of being sent begging on a regular basis. I call it being another short term relief from my guilt or obligation when I and my children get to eat every day. Sometimes I seek to know how to deal with these social issues and sometimes I believe I have succeeded in getting a grasp on these intangibles, until I realize it was merely an illusory victory.
“Is that your child?” I start my age old drill even knowing what she might answer. My brain has already activated my eyes to look for a shop that sells baby food.
Rather reluctantly, she starts with a different version that I expected.
***
Currently Listening to: If That Were Me, Album “Northern Star” — Melanie C.
This was released as a charity single. All money from selling this CD went to help people who are living in the streets.
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Redemption 